NBA Power Rankings 1-10(by Dac)

These are the power rankings showing you exactly what teams are the best and worst and why they are that way. You don’t even gotta watch a single game these rankings are SO IN DEPTH. I will not show any homerism or favoritism or be all-choosy and the what-nots with this. The Wizards will not be the number one team on this (SPOILER ALERT). Without further ado, I present to you, Dac’s 2012-first-week-of-the-regular-season-power-rankings.

 

1. New York Knicks

These guys are America’s team. They are the best team in the NBA and they have no point guard problems whatsoever. Anyways, the Knicks have been fairly impressive on both sides of the ball, out of the gate. They’ve been shooting the basketball like a bunch of crazed guys-who-are-good-at-shooting-basketballs. In fact, if you look at their “stats”, they have been shooting the 3-point basketball shot at 47.6%. Which means, if they shot 100 3 point shots, they would make 47.6 of them (wow). Even more impressive, is how they have done this against some (supposed) damn good defensive teams.. Like the Miami Heats, and the Philadelphia 76ers. But the most impressive thing about the Knicks start, is how incredible their defense has been. They held both of those teams (whom are pretty solid offensively, too), to 84 points per game, which is the lowest in the NBA by a solid 3 points. Now, once the metaphorical dust settles, the Knicks will likely cool down, stop running Melo off-the-ball, and start letting him just do isolation plays for all eternity, and the Knicks will be once again hilarious. But, that doesn’t change the impressiveness of this start, and it’s very feasible the Knicks ceiling is a 2-3 seed in the East.

2. Miami Heats

Whoa these guys got a couple good players on the team! Some real superstars! These guys are some basketballers! Lebron James is [an idiot who is afraid to shoot] a great person, and athlete. He is what some might call “one of the better basketball players in the league” and a future “oh I remember that guy” player. Dwayne Wade is also sometimes good but also sometimes an asshole. Chris Bosh is a basketball player, as well. As much of basketball players as those guys happen to be, the real heart of this team rests in pet monkey owner, and former meth addict, Mike Miller. I called my friend Mike Miller after the big win over the Nuggets to congratulate him on his superstar performance, and he said “I’ve shot 3 shots this entire season and I miss my ex-wife.” Gripping stuff. But anyways, the Heat have been the absolute worst team in the NBA on defense so far this season, which is what their bread and butter has been in previous seasons post-2010. Still, the Heat have managed to win 2 of 3. Even though their 2 victories have been over the disappointing Nuggets and Celtics, this team might just be good one day.

3. San Antonio Spurs

This is a team we all hate because they’re so boring and stupid. Tim Duncan needs to go. I’m sick of his not-dunks. Anyway, Gregg Popovich has once again forced him to respect his dumb team full of bad players because they’re somehow good. The Spurs rank second in the league in assists per game, which is something we’ve all grown to expect. What the Spurs play is the epitome of team basketball and that really just puts us all to sleep. I want to punch my keyboard even thinking about it. An actual scary thing about the Spurs is they’ve done this with Manu only playing 16 minutes so far due to injury. A scary thing for Spurs fans is that Timmy Duncan has been forced to play a little over 33 minutes per game. Even with those 33 minutes, Tim Duncan has been putting up some ridiculous stats, but at his age, it’s hard to think those minutes and usage won’t wear him down. Anyway, this team sucks.

4. Milwaukee Bucks

People have long thought Monta Ellis and Brandon Jennings can’t co-exist. Brandon Jennings was quoted about these critics, saying “hi haters ❤ OVOXO”. But seriously, the Bucks have looked pretty good to start the season out. They absolutely abused the Celtics, and won on an amazing long last second shot by Jennings vs. the Cavaliers, who against popular belief, ain’t no scrubs. A scrub is a guy who can’t get no love from me. Hanging out the passengers side of his best friends ride. Trying to holla at me. The Bucks are in fact the only team who edges out the Spurs in assists per game, which is hilarious because Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis are both on the Bucks. Now, we all know Brandon Jennings is gonna stop passing the ball once he gets his contract extension, and realize it doesn’t get him bitches, but that’s ok. The Bucks have a shot to be on the inside looking out come playoff time (although it won’t be by much.)

5. Orlando Magic

Orlando fans will try to tell you this is a legitimate ranking, but it really isn’t. This team is hilariously bad and it’s kinda cute to see them trying to be good. Dwight Howard is a boss and left this dumbass franchise in shambles. The Orlando front office was all “that’s cool we don’t need u dwite we got aron affalus” and now they lead the league in points per game. JJ Redick is tryna get that money, or tryna-get-the-hell-outta-Orlando, seemingly, because he’s been very, very good at basketball thus far. This fella right here is shooting 64% from the field, and 75% from 3 point land, while dishing out 6 assists per game. Also, Glen Davis is averaging 25/9 per game, which is flat out hilarious.  Anyway, this team still has a chance to be the absolute worst in the league, but it’s funny right now so whatever.

6. Portland Oregons

The Oregons got this Dame Lillard guy who is the second coming of Oscar Robertson (according to stats). He’s doing some things no other rookies have done besides Oscar Robertson so he’s just about as good as him at basketball. Also, the other guys on this team have started the season well. West Mathew and Nic Batum and LMA have been 2 LEGIT 2 QUIT so far and that’s kinda cool because poor Portland Oregons have had such bad luck with basketball players being good in the past (haha knee injuries lol).

7. LA Clippers

Chris Paul is awesome to watch play and so is some other guys on this team. Blake Griffin throws down some dunks and it’s like whoa on occasion. DeAndre Jordan seems to have learned to actually play basketball a little bit instead of just jumping really high. Throw in the supporting cast, Jamal Crawford, Caron Butler, Eric Bledsoe running really fast of the bench, and this team seems to be much improved from last season. Their downfall is their asshat coach, Vinny Del Negro, who doesn’t know a single thing about sports and don’t let him try to convince you otherwise. Eric Bledsoe getting minutes is huge and I even bet some team might wanna trade some legitimate pieces for him come trade deadline time. I don’t know if the Clippers should trade him tho because he seems to be one of the better back-up point guards in the league.

8. Houston Rockets

Jeremy Lin was the MVP for a good 3 weeks last season. James Harden is the MVP for a good one week this season. Combine these two once-MVP candidates with “Sir Rebounds a lot” Omer Asik and the white guy who dunks, and you have yourself a possible playoff team. James Harden has been incredibly efficient, and somehow still filling up the stat sheet like it’s no ones business. He has also been spending a lot of his money at the strip club, which is just awesome. This teams chopped-and-screwed philosophy of basketball has been so fun to watch, especially if you’re on that dirty sprite. Anyways, this team might not end up as good as people want to make them out to be, but nonetheless, they are incredibly entertaining.

9. Golden State Warriors

It was an upset to many to not see Brandon McCartney, Lil B, the BasedGod, on the Warriors opening night lineup, but they still have managed to be 2-1 to open the year. Steph Curry still has his ankles, Klay Thompson is really good for a half-white guy, and Carl Landry is doing some basketball stuff like its NO ONES BUSINESS. Anyways, this team might contend for a 7-8 seed in the playoffs, but maybe not, too. The Warriors have a lot of injury prone players, and it’s hard to expect anything different this season, sadly enough. Anyways, this team could be could if Andrew Bogut doesn’t shatter every bone in his body (again), and the young’ns play even close to their potential.

10. Charlotte Bibcats

Honestly these power rankings aren’t very legit, I just really wanted to put the Bibcats in the top 10 to tease their idiot fans. Ben Folds Five when it comes to the Bobcats (like poker, wow, amazing reference.) Also Cardboardgerald is an idiot. This team makes me so mad with how much dumb things they do. Omg i hate this team make them go away they smell like shit. Please. Haha Byron Mullens is even on this team who let that guy on a team? hahaha wow i hate this team hahaha.

 

That’s all I want to rank because I made myself bored so sorry. Maybe soon I’ll bless you all with my basketball expertise on this blog once again. Anyways, Dac, out.

 

(You can follow dac on twitter at @dacplanet especially if you’re an attractive female, thanks).

 

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About dactronic1
NBA fan, Wizards fan.

15 Responses to NBA Power Rankings 1-10(by Dac)

  1. dafds says:

    These are the dumbest rankings… Don’t bother making another one.. I wasted 2 mins of my life reading this crap/

  2. Dafds you seem like an intelligent non-human being. YES I CALLED YOU A F****** ANIMAL.

  3. Conrad J Kaczmarek says:

    i was content with the amount of laughs i gained from this.

  4. This is really, really bad writing. I hope it’s a joke. If it was intended to be funny, then you made me laugh. If this supposed to be serious journalism…..then god help us all.

  5. Kyle Bright says:

    Haha this is pretty good. And the fact that people are taking this seriously…

  6. I am sick of Tim Duncan’s not-dunks too especially when the not dunks do not go in the basket. Like duh, c’mon man, put it in the big hole where the points come out of.

  7. When I read this I’m just like omg wow this can’t actually be writing. These are so dumb because they’re 100% serious and I know this because I know this. Lol I can’t believe this guy is even writing this seriously. Like who doesn’t know that Portland’s team is obviously the Tankers? Duh. -1/5 stars because this is dumb.

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